It's time to blog. It's been a while, but its not been because I've been preoccupied being a damn-cool-grandmother-that-can-walk-and-sing-and-take-a-million-pictures-that-take-a-hundred-hours-to-download-and-I-know-my-boundaries-even-though-I-don't-get-to-set-them-and-I-know-how-to-clean-explosions-in-bouncy-chairs. Nor is it because "my fingers are broken." (JOE)
I've been writing - in fact I have a great blog written - but I've been contemplating publishing it. It's a deep one. It's about balance and choices and self awareness, blah, blah, blah. I've written it, edited it and censored and un-censored the heck out of it, but haven't published it because for me, once something is published I feel like 'its' now in stone and I can't change 'it' and all I can do is face 'it' and, sticking to my current style of writing today, mmm-yeah-hell-no-to-the-never-EVER-f-that-shit-I'm-not-facing-it-yet. Not on Easter.
So, instead, today will be Open Letter Day. Time to liberate.
Dear Easter Morning Facebook Posters,
"He is risen."
Sooo, is he around? Is it a sneak attack? Should I be worried! Should I be smiling at strangers today? "Why hello little fear, you little punk, stop ruining my day. Shall we have a cookie and hash it out?"
Sincerely,
Jane. Doe.
Dear Haley,
It was your moving week/end and I realize I've taught you many, many things - except how to clean a house. My only advice to you is, A) hire a housekeeper, or B) marry one. We'll blame this on your dad.
And, hey, thanks for the bag of old clothes. Kind of neat how we can do this handy-me-down thing! Works for me! Geez, Holy heck, I spent a lot of money on your jeans back in the day! Gotta say I'm really excited over getting the Meks with the red on the pocket. They were my secret favorite. Are they out of style now? If not, they will be once I cut and fray the bottoms to my length!
Now lets talk about the shorts in the bag. Good Lord they're crazy short... they're like frickin underwear! Lucky for you He Is Risen AFTER you gave them away- or I'm pretty sure He'd hand out punishment. And you wore these? It's your fathers fault.
Oh, the jeans with the rhinestones on the pocket are so cool! A little tight, but I'm wearing them around the house to hopefully stretch them out before casual day on Friday. I sit for long periods of time, and eat a lot of chocolate, so looser jeans would be helpful. Oh, I'll have to cut these down, too. By the way, I don't remember buying them. Did you jack them from one of your friends? Can you tell me which one? I ran into Ali at the San Tan Mall last month and she complimented me on my shirt, which I thought was your shirt, but was actually her shirt. Awkward.
And of course I have to mention Marley before I sign off. Have I told you today how much I love her? But I have to ask, when I picked her up last night and she started screaming, was that really her Happy Cry? Or were you making that up?
Love You More,
Mom
Dear Jon,
When I said to you on Friday, "Yay, it's pay day, I ran out of cheezits two days ago" and you responded, "I don't know whether to laugh or cry," well it's okay to laugh. I was making a funny. I never run out if cheezits.
Sincerely,
The girl with the great sense of humor
Dear mom and dad,
I'm sorry our visit today was ruined. I had so much to tell you, so many things to talk about. There are things you don't know, and I know this as fact because dad hasn't yet made an appearance, questioning me in that cop-voice, "what were you thinking?" But next week, when I visit again, I'll make it up to you. I just hope that crazy ant isn't still around, crawling through the grooves of your headstone all pacman-like. So distracting to someone like me... I tried to focus, but come on, it was totally pacman! If he's there next week, I'll flick him. I promise.
Love and miss you both!
Dear new Meth Baker friend,
You are too cool. I like you. I don't know if its because you're my first meth baker friend ever, or because you're the only person here that's nice to me. Do you see the looks I get from the Dealers and pot smokers' girlfriends? I walked past one the other day and I swear when she looked at me I peed a little. She scared me. Well anyway, I like you and I'm sorry I was so cryptic about which apartment I live in. "Yeah, I'm down there, around the corner, on the side, by the other one, across the way." That was cryptic, wasn't it? Don't take it personally. I probably wouldn't give my address to my other meth baker friends either ... if I had other meth baker friends, which I think I'll just stick to the one for right now... It's cool and all, but I don't want to make it a habit.
Bahahaha - I crack myself up!
Sincerely,
Your new neighbor, please don't try and find me
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